Six months ago, when we added Leo to our family, I had but one hope. (That's totally untrue. I had lots of hopes.) I wanted a dog who could not tear me apart limb from limb, but who would warn me of possible intruders in the night, and also, maybe keep my feet warm once in awhile. We brought this Chi Weenie home, and my hand to God, he didn't bark at all for the first month he was here. When he finally found his bark, I worried he would be one of those dogs that irritates everyone around him by never shutting up. I didn't need to worry. He isn't a barker. One time, a few weeks ago, he went absolutely bat-shit crazy at four in the morning, hair standing on end, teeth baring, CRAZY with a capital K.One time, in six months. Understanding this, when he started growling and barking at exactly 1:24am today, I took notice. A lot of notice.
Initially, I thought one of the kids may have been awake in the kitchen. But I didn't actually hear anything. So I grabbed him under my arm, and got up to see if he had a bathroom related emergency that he needed to handle. Only, he squirmed and fought me trying to NOT leave my bedroom. At this point, it also occurred to me that if it were a member of my family, he wouldn't be panicking. He would be as happy to see one of them at 1:24am, as he is any other time of day. And then I heard a noise. A soft thud.
Here is the part where I tell you that I have a really big stick in my bedroom designed for just this type of emergency.
Around the corner I went, seven and a half pounds of terrified dog in one arm, a giant stick in the other. Looking back, I realize that if what I found had actually been an intruder, my only hope of doing any damage with the stick would have been to throw the dog at them first.
I crossed into the dining room, the dog jumped out of my arms and took off running in the dark. I continued to the kitchen, stealthy and quiet and only stubbing two toes on my way to turn on the light. I took a good look around. The only thing I could see was that there were two lunch boxes on the ground in the pantry that had previously been on a shelf. I did a perimeter check of the house, and returned to the pantry to set things straight. What I saw there, I can never UNsee.
Last summer, Zoe and her cousin spent two weeks with their grandparents. On one outing, they were taken to a farm that had ostriches. Each was sent home with a Styrofoam cooler full of an ostrich egg. Zoe's Styrofoam cooler ended up on the pantry shelf.
Do you see what's coming?
I guess I assumed that the ostrich egg had been emptied of it's contents. I was, sadly, mistaken. For whatever reason, the Gods of Decomposing deemed 1:24am this morning the point of no return for the contents of the egg. And it exploded. It blew off the top of the cooler, on which sat two lunch boxes.
If there is a silver lining in this story, it is that 99% of the mess that is contained within a really, really, really old ostrich egg was still inside the cooler. There was only a large percentage of shell to gather. There was a smell that makes me think that my nose will never forgive me, but once the lid was carefully placed back, the smell was pretty much contained as well.
After an unplanned, very early morning disinfecting of the pantry occurred, I wandered around looking for the dog. You know how when you're a little kid, you think that as long as you have your head covered, no one can see you? (Or was that just me?!)
That is King Leonidas "IL Martello" Abramo, in 'Duck and Cover' mode. This is my brave and loyal warrior. And let me tell you, it took some work getting him out from under there.
About a month ago, John bought me a very soft, woolly, purple scarf and mitten set. The only real issue that I seem to have is that the scarf is exceptionally long. Twice today I stepped on one end of the scarf and essentially 'clothes lined' myself. In public. Where there were people. TWICE. It really was a banner day for my dignity.
At the end of the day, my dog has PTSD, my pantry hasn't been this clean in a really long time, I will probably never eat eggs of any kind again, and I think it's possible that there are two different surveillance videos of me, gracefully and elegantly attempting to garrote myself.
That's a wrap, Thursday! See ya next week!
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