I want to write. I want to pour it all out and get it all out of my head.....but because I do not want to write about what I want to write about tonight, let me share with you the following things:
Thing Number One:
A Conversation With Zoe
Me: How was your day at school?
Zoe: Great! Right up until lunch.
Me: What happened at lunch?
Zoe: They had green jello. With PINEAPPLE in it. *makes gaggy face*
Me: That's disgusting! Did you eat it?
Zoe: Are you kidding me!?
Me: Yeah. I knew you wouldn't eat that.
Zoe: The worst part is, they ran out of green jello and the people who eat lunch after my class got to have orange jello, with nothing in it! That is SO, TOTALLY not fair.
Me: That's disgusting!
Zoe: I like orange jello. And I would like green jello but who puts PINEAPPLE in jello?
Me: Some people like jello with cottage cheese in it.
Zoe: (Almost faints from horror) Say it ain't so, Mommy!
Me: Truth. Swear on a stack of Bibles, I have, with my own eyes, seen people eat it.
Zoe: I think I'm gonna be sick!
Me: Preaching to the choir, Kid. I think jello, in any form is horrifying unless you are in the hospital and can't eat anything else.
Zoe: Did you have to eat jello when you were in the hospital after I was born?
Me: No.
Zoe: What did you eat?
Me: Two ham sandwiches.
Zoe: You had a HAM sandwich to celebrate my being born?!
Me: I had TWO ham sandwiches. With NO mayo. Because I love you THAT much.
Zoe: And also because you were starving?
Me: That too.
Zoe: I still think the orange jello thing isn't fair.
Me: You want me to make some calls?
Zoe: Mommy, it's jello.
Me: I know, but it seems really important to you because we've been talking about it for a long time now.
Zoe: *Giggles* My day was good. How was yours?
Me: Now you ask?!! How can I possibly compete with the Green Jello Pineapple Disaster of 2013!?
Zoe: Stop being so dramatic!
Thing Number Two
I very rarely answer my phone if I don't know the number on the caller id. This evening a strange number called and I waited to see if they would leave a voicemail message. They did not. But when the same number called back five minutes later, I thought I'd better find out who it was. The following is the conversation that took place. I have paraphrased a little.
"Hello, Mrs. Abrams. (<---------Red flag!) This is Somebody Something Some Such. I'm calling from the United States Army. Do you have a High School Senior attending Wahoo High School?" At this point there is a slightly awkward pause as I asked myself the following questions: A) Why is the Army calling me? What the HELL did I do now!? B) DO *I* have a high school senior???? C) How the HELL do I have a high school senior!!??
"Yes. That would be my daughter."
"Is she available to talk with me regarding her future plans?"
"Nope."
Awkward silence.
"Is there a better time to reach her?"
"You can call her on her phone."
"Oh, okay...and that number is?"
"402-443-...........I don't know her phone number. Hold on, it's saved in my contacts. *search contacts* 443-####. That's her number."
"Thank you, ma'am. Have a great night."
I hung up my phone and realized I gave him the wrong number.
If the Army comes looking for me I am screwed, but I will probably blame it on him reminding me that my child is a senior in high school AND calling me 'ma'am' in the same conversation. That's too much for this girl, Army.
Assorted Nonsense
My dog believes that if he chews up all the shoes in this house, all of the humans will be forced to stay in and cuddle him all day.
My dog believes that if he pees on, or chews up, all of the beds, pillows and blankets we offer for him to sleep on while in his 'kennel' (the pantry), we will have no choice but to let him sleep in our bed.
My dog believes that wet grass is for punk bitches.
